I'm still feeling so down.. sianz..

cried everytime when i thought of that.. idiot.

followed wat liang'er did... I deleted his friendster... but his email is stuck at my head.. mb i'll block he's msn soon.. Met up with him last few mths.. My name in his hp is still "lao po" I think now he comfirm changed it. Mb i'll delete his number too. but it's still in my head. hope he changes his number soon n dont tell me abt that.

my pics are gone for gd. her pics are up for gd.

I went to read her profile. Dont think she's a fantastic girl. To me, her life is damn boring. Dont think i'm in a gd position to comment abt her. But she seems to be single for v long.. not that pretty.. not smart either. Dont think she's a popular girl. Not much friends n very little testi. Fr her testimonial, many says she dances well.. she's going to complete her ballet exams.. Well, i also can dance.. i danced for 7 yrs. though confirm not as gd as her, but i also going to complete my piano exam. Going be a piano teacher soon by 2009.

Why am i compairing myself to her? FUCK.

I'm not going to think abt it like wat juan told me to. What for? I made my choice n he made his. Mr lim treat me well.. I wan to force mr lim to marry me fast so i can completely forget abt him. I know it's unfair to mr lim. But just let it be my darkest secret. anyways mr lim is still not ready. At least another 2 or 3 yrs. By then.. i dont know wat will happen. I envy those frenz ard me who are going to get married.

Anyways, who says one must marry to someone whom u love most? Let's face it. We're not living in fairy tales. Things are not as beautiful as those tales. Cinderella, Snow white, Jasmine, Belle, etc, all live happily ever after.. But i'm not any of them.

I admit i like mr lee v much coz he's always so tender to me, gives me wat i wants, love me whole heartedly. Everybody ard me all felt that i'm so bliss with such a nice bf. But those are in the past.

Why i left him?

Coz our relationship is so boring. I thought i dun love him anymore coz meeting him is such a norm. We're stagnant there. Not moving anywhere.. Mb we're just too young. Another thing is i cannot accept that he's not ambitious. I mean, He's a guy u know.. Everytime only vebrally said that he wants to provide to his family, wants this, wants that, wants to sign up for local uni, etc etc... But he always no action one! everytime need me to push him. Just earlier this yr, i kept pushing him to go read up those uni stuffs n better take note of the dates. Finally he got some actions. But too late. he missed it.. SEE..... I cant marry to this kind of guy!! Though many say if u love someone, u must love his negetive pts too.. But i just cant accept this. So aimless..

Mr Lim is different. Though obviously he's not as tender, not as caring, not as sensitive, not as sweet, but he knows wat he wants. At least i got a sense of security, well, not becoz he's so BIG, but he does his things well. He's smarter than me, always teaches me stuffs, knows wat's happening around the world. He always plan things ahead. He always got an aim. He scolded me when i'm in wrong (Mr lee never do this, he just let me do whatever i wan). Most imptly, he loves me so.

Wah... won't it be nice if i got combination of them?? heee.. Wah.... If i got a bf who is smart and intelligent and knowlegeble and sweet and active and healty and romantic and sensitive and understands me and handsome and talented and filial and popular and ambitious and caring and most imptly love me deep deep... Wah... then i'll grab him and put inside my pocket and keep zip it up and keep him to myself. Does this kind of guy exist?? Heee...

I feel better now after i reminded myself y i dun wan to be with mr lee..

I shall treasure wat i have now..

Thks juan n bee for consoling me... Thks to my partner mr goh for teasing me abt this thing.. he said it's a norm. Thks ck for trying to cheer me up, but it doesnt help if u keep saying u miss me n love me and tell me u dont love ur gf n tell me those nonsenscial stuffs. This guy is one of the kind oso.. so funny.. he dun even know me well, still says he likes me.. says i'm a prefect girl for him.. he duno my true colours la.. so many yrs already. During jc days he dun even dare to talk to me. Gave me chocolate during my bday then run away. crazy... now think of it.. quite funny, but sweet. ended up i shared the chocolate with my classmates. haha..

Wat a long entry.... Hee.. going prawning now.. ciaoz..

I love mr lim.. (hmmm... must keep brainwash myself n remind myself.. hee)

Happy 1 n 1/2 yr anniversary...